Monday, May 27, 2013


I've met with my trainer twice so far (and will meet with her again tomorrow). She pushes me, but not too hard. Don't tell her, but she could probably push me a lot harder but I am a pansy-ass and prefer to complain and whine about how little I can do.

I've completed my "at home" assignments for the most part so far. I was to complete the same strength workout once more at home and one of 3 options for cardio training.

This week (my second week), I was supposed to drink 8 glasses of water per day, complete my strength workout one more time and complete a cardio option. Oh, AND eat breakfast once during the week.

I don't eat breakfast as a rule. It makes me sick to my stomach to eat too early in the morning. Yeah, so I FAILED at this goal this week. BUT, I DID do my other assignments so I'm happy. I can't change everything and my trainer reinforces that.

I've been trying hard to change the way I eat as well. It's hard, but I am going to allow myself slips as well. I can't change everything in a day.

I've worked out twice with my trainer and twice at home so far and I can already tell my legs and arms are stronger. It is definite progress.

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Today, I Did Something Scary

I made an appointment and kept it. I wrote down my height, my weight, my issues. I allowed myself to be measured.

I stepped up and down on a 12-inch step for 3 minutes and was exhausted. Humiliating.

Then I paid a friend (who happens to be a personal trainer) to help me remember who I am.

I don't remember thin Heather. But I don't think in my head that I am as fat as I am. It's strange.

I catch a glimpse in a mirror and I think that I am some zombie that puffed up from eating people. I long to be the person I used to be. I've been smart, loving, caring, etc. I want to be all that and still someone who can take an active part in life. I'm stagnant.

People don't hire fat people for things that require movement. Or many other things. I'm pretty sure it's a fact. If I were thinner I would have more photography clients. I think. Just my opinion.

Next week I start my journey with someone who might actually kick my ass. Here's hoping!